Listen!

I am thinking all this time what best words to say to you but I got three words.You Lost Me.

Final Words

Bonjour!

It feels like this year has been the longest year in my life.

I am grateful that less than 72 hours from now I will be leaving the year of the metal tiger. It Signifies a fresh and new beginning. Leaving everything bad (people, experiences, attitude) behind.

My 2010 was full of ups and downs. It was a roller coaster ride. Ups because of my family, crazy friends, and him. Downs because he left me nothing but a broken heart. Left and neglected by him making me feel like a crumpled paper thrown at his back.

The start of the year was very high because we have one another. I surprised him during V-day and treating him like a queen so loved by a king.What else did I do aside from finishing my completion duty so that I can finally take the board exam, nothing but busy loving my baba. Almost all my attention was to him. Even at point I had forgotten that I have friends. At beginning of our relationship I was so sweet and I always put extra effort even for simple phone conversation like giving him punchline that will make him laugh his heart out.

Second quarter of the year, we had some terrible fights but we managed to settle things. I had to be strong for both of us. If I have problems with him I tend to keep it to myself and ignore it if it is self manageable. I seldom blabber. I hate noise. I'd prefer silence when I am with him and just enjoy the moment with my one true love. I'd prefer to express how much I love him in my actions.

Third quarter comes in and we we're sailing on rocky seas. I'd become more stronger for us though there were times that I feel like giving up but I didn't. He attempted to let me go but I'd said please NO. I begged him to stay because I am sooo afraid how to wake up one morning if he's gone. "I need you because I love you." But the day I am most afraid to come came. One day It was all gone. He had finally drawn the line and it happened through SMS, making it very informal. I had asked for formal closure but he didn't gave me. 

Last quarter was for mending. Making myself whole again. I went home because I need my family. I awe my life to them. They were there to support and love me unconditionally. My friends were there too making me laugh and sharing drink with them. As mentioned to my previous posts, I dedicated the remaining months of 2010 for savoring the bittersweet of pain. I had nursed the pain enough to make me strong. I cried hundred times and I had so messed up my life.

I can say that this was not my year. I am fire tiger having to live in metal tiger therefore clash happened. 

The year was tough. It wasn't easy but luckily I managed to get out and still be able live life well.

How about you??!

Morale Of The Story

Greetings of Peace and Love!

I believe that every experience has it's lessons to be learned.

This was my story....

It has quite some time that I keep on writing and talking about how much I had been severely hurt and before the year ends I wanna share what my experience has taught me in life.

Since 2011 is right at your  front door here are my 11 lessons learned.

In Romantic Relationships:

Never expect. Never assume.

   I guess in loving someone you should not expect from the person. You do not assume as if the person is so into you or not. Let him/her voluntarily do things his/her own way.

Do your part.

   Never mind of anything else but just your part.

99% trust and 1% benefit of the doubt.

   Everyone says that we must fully trust but I say don't. The person deserve 99% and you keep 1% to yourself.

Respect one another.
   It is universal. No question.

Laugh.
   Learn to laugh. Laugh when needed. Laugh at the right place and at the right time.

Talk.
   When problem arises, do not leave it unattended and unresolved. Talk not only if you have problems but also if your happy. Talk anything under the sun. Talking often strengthen the relationship because it bridges the gap of the fact the you are two different individuals.

Understand you and your partner.
   Search. Let your queries run. When you understand yourself and your partner you will know what you want and what to do therefore delivery of actions are best expressed and appreciated.

Retain some mystery.
   After the "getting to know stage", it is good to keep your interest to one each other. So do not spill everything. Let him/her uncover the mystery. Thrill is guaranteed.

Love wisely.
   Heart and mind should be in unison however dilemma sets in when heart ignores to see the truth and reality. Truth that you should love in moderation. Be rationale by letting your head superior than your emotional-bound heart. It is a MUST that we keep some love for ourselves.

Some Privacy.
   It is not ideal to be together all the time. Some one needs the "me time" and "me space". Give one another to grow on their own. Let them be with others. Space and time give time to think and evaluate and above all to rest.

Enjoy each day passing.
   The relationship you have is only borrowed and so does your romantic partner. God gives you a person for some reason, maybe to let you feel how it is to be loved or to give you lessons. Since it is borrowed it will then be taken so enjoy each other. Cherish each day passes and do not waste it by arguing and doing nonsensical things. Each minute is important. Love honestly.
   


PS: Above all, PRAY.


Ooops I think it should be twelve..hehehe

It can be taught.

Love begins at Christmas. He was born to save us all from sins and that's what I call unconditional love.

     How was your Christmas? Were you able to complete the nine mornings? What gifts did you received from your loved ones? I celebrated Christmas at home with my family. Sharing "noche buena" and catching up is what I like the most during this season. We had fun watching fireworks in the sky and my nephews and nieces loved the fountain fireworks in our home. I saw their eyes with happiness. Luckily though I haven't completed the "misa de gallo" I attended one out of nine masses. I gained weight again and I can feel my tummy bloating. Blame to the left and right events this month plus the overflowing foods and drinks. Poor me!

     It's three days more to go before we finally bid farewell to 2010. I couldn't believe that another year is about to close. It feels like 'twas yesterday that I welcomed the year of metal tiger and now it is ending. Tick tick tick the sound of the year ending and time flies really quick and there has nothing much that I achieved and accomplished great in my life yet. I dunno where should I stand. I am still looking for my place in this fuckin' world. I'm like a wandering soul looking for his place to dwell on; a place where there is contentment, humility, peace and happiness. I am not forcing anything great for now but I am hopeful for that day to come. I believe in doing what is right, whenever I see myself on the wrong end of the success ladder I easily get frustrated. But I learned that I can never reached the end of success having not to go the bottom end. Life is not perfect. Sometimes things go their way not according to our plan. Many times I frustrate myself because it is not what I plan that is happening in my life. There had been times that I tend to question HIS will. I know everything has a reason and they are bound to happen for specific purpose; unfortunately for many, we do not understand why. I'd like to believe that life is unstructured. We are living a spontaneous life.  Things are happening their own way.


     Speaking of life, I never dreamed of finding someone like him. I never searched. I never expected. I never asked. He just came. I wasn't attracted to him. First meeting was just like a typical gimmick for me. There was nothing special, no spark, and I dunno if there was chemistry. But out of nothingness a friendship started. A conversation was the beginning of everything. I did not love him but I ended up loving him. What we had at first was like the kilig moments and when there was what I call "formally us", teaching came. Since the day we left on that shore every second of every minute of the day was learning for me. We are two different individuals having been chosen to commit with one another. We have differences; thoughts and attitude. We are an imperfect being. We have flaws and shortcomings. I am speaking for myself now, adjustment and understanding was there. Each day passing and each discovery of him was an appreciation. He was just human like me I told myself. As day passed by I saw ME teaching to love the one I had commit myself with. I had fallen deeper as we go on sailing in the ocean of love til such time that I was drowning because of outpouring love. There was too much teaching happened and when it ended it had left my heart severely broken.


     Teaching is over but it is once again time for teaching, teaching not to love him anymore. I know for a fact that it will not be simple and easy. Am I doing reverse psychology? Hmmmm I dunno. I felt lunatic that after learning to love him I will learn not to love him back. Whatta heck is my problem? Hahahahahaha! I must be going crazy. I think what I'm doing is normal. It should really be that way. How can I move forward if there's still that fuckin love. Believe me that what I'm going through is hard but I'm taking it lightly. Perhaps constant practice makes one thing perfect. I guess I'll be able to master the craft of not loving him at all in due time. I'l be getting used to that feeling somewhere in the coming days. 


     You know what it can be taught. It's possible. Trust me. ^_^

baba

                                 Sixteen months ago I met someone, YOU.

                           Sixteen months after, you left me nothing but cold blue

                             Never did I expected that there will be me and you

                          And now I am deserted with a life forlorn from hue.

                                    I remember the day when I first saw you

                                       In a place where I am with my crew

                                         In your skin was red stripe shirt

                                      It was then a friendship came to birth.

                                         I was hurting when you came,

                                      From a love that I can say was lame

                                You took the pain and planted a seed of love

                                     And it grows and felt free like a dove.

                                                Officially we opened it, 

                                In front of the the ocean with the beauty within it.

                                  In a place that I can call heaven and paradise.

                                    Nature was with us and it did sympathized

                                    To our feelings that had been immortalized.

                                                Baba had been heard

                                            Others may sound it weird

                                                   Used for a year

                                            Was cute like Teddy the Bear.

                                      Cruising with you in ocean Poseidon

                                         Sailing from twilight until dawn

                                             Though seas may be rocky

                                      It didn't bother coz I'm still feeling lucky.

                                You had shown me how much you love me

                                Had shown you back my love without a fee

                                       Equal efforts had been exerted

                                  Making things work and wasn't wasted.

                                            I thought I already knew,

                              Smiles of you were the beauty of morning dew

                                  Tips of your hair down to your toe nails

                                  Should be more knowing because it fails.

                                       Since the beginning I saw a sign

                                   Ignored and took a sip in tempting wine

                                    Heaven sent many but I refused to see

                                          Feel twas only you and me.

                                         

                                           Shocked that you're capable

                                               Making me like cripple

                                                Didn't expect actions

                                           Tears was then my reaction.

                                                 Face was deceiving
                                               Cherubim in behaving
                                                Mask you're wearing
                                           Take it off oh please darling.
                                           Mirror is what you needing
                                         So you better stop pretending.

                                                   Sorry, Sorry me
                                                  Felt used you bee
                                                 Sucked your honey
                                               Now poor you honey.

                                                    Oh so regretful
                                                   I was then a fool
                                              You bathed in your drool
                                                    I call you awful

                                            Wasted a time, Wasted a dime
                                      One hell conceited, One hell uneducated
                                               You were like a whore
                                                  Behind was a bore
                                               You were like a clown
                                                 Making us not frown
                                                   Show you ended
                                          It is how you are now branded.
                                                          
              
                                              
                                                        

                                              
                                                
                                                    
                                          
                                               

                                        

                                         

                                

                                           

                                                      

                                        

                                    

                               

                                  

Third Monthsary: Three Fourths of One Whole

Hello there ;)

fill the missing fraction

     How are you?! I hope you had a good day. I just finished my beauty regimen and finally before dozing off I am making the LAST and FINAL installment of my dramatic post as an important part of my blog. This will be the concluding post under this topic. It has been 92 days since the tragedy happened making today my third monthsary. Three months had passed and the struggle continues and healing had never been easy for me. Talking and talking about the same old topic was becoming a pet peeve. This was consuming my energy and I felt like I was already eaten by the topic. But I have to bravely face this chapter of my life because this was the only way I knew where I can move on. The pain was unbearable; unbearable to be hidden and be ignored. So that's why I keep on blabbering about this and was the reason why I created the blog. I think dedicating the last quarter of 2010 for moving forward and savoring the sweetness of pain was more than enough. I am offering the remaining days of the year talking about him, my pain, and the ups and downs of mending. Each day, week and month that had passed the intensity of pain subside.

     The process of healing is not yet over though I can say I am better than previously but there's still BUT. I am picking the pieces of broken me. Everything I am going thru was tough, tougher than I thought. I am just human therefore bound to feel anger and bitterness. Yes I was and I am not ashamed of myself for feeling that. Everyone has their own lowest point and I can say that this was mine. I am on the stage where I see putting more importance on myself..Learning how to be physically and emotionally on my own again because admittedly I was so dependent to him. I do not believe on the saying "love is blind", actually it sees but it ignores. It didn't matter to me if I reached the point that he was my life. My world revolved around him and see no other but only us. It's as if we were the only existing creation in the world. I blame no one but me, not him and not any other things. Why came to this point? I told myself that "nandito na eh bakit di pa ibigay ng todo?" and "dumating na siya sa buhay ko so dapat ko lng siyang mahalin ng lubos", having said that, I felt stupid. This was not my first time to be hurt by a lover but it felt like it was. I had no idea what to do when we parted ways. The effect went in my body, physiologically. I had trauma and breakdown. Had several anxiety attacks & countless nights of crying but I finally came passed to that stage. 

     Right now I am about to leave the boulevard of sadness. I had courageously traversed the road and  relished the bittersweet of loving. I could not be more proud of myself for winning the test of life.For a fact, the battle  is not yet over. Why? Refer on the title. I will win the battle even the war if I'll be able to fill the missing fraction of the cake and that will be the only time where I can say I AM WHOLE AGAIN. 

    

 Meanwhile, I am joyful that I reached today, BETTER and STRONGER.

     

Oh Insomnia Oh Insomnia :(

Hi!

     I have a BIG problem, well aside from the existing one which was the reason why this blog came to birth. Lately I am having trouble falling asleep at night which normally we take our rest when the moon is out. Our body should take its rest at nightfall but as for me its not the way things go. For a week now, my body is working and active during night time which made me like a call centre agent.

     It started when our brgy. celebrated its 71st Foundation Anniversary wherein you can find me outside home with friends.There had been activities organized by brgy. officials like showcasing the talent of its people via local version of Pilipinas Got Talent which was Poblacion Got Talent & DobleKara. I know that you know these staff and I bet you can relate to me. There was also fireworks display; beauty pageant in the name of Mutya ng SK Poblacion 2010 which luckily the winner came from my alma mater; and a comedy show held at our on going construction gymnasium much more like of the Panabo Sports & Cultutral Centre, comedians were from Cebu.There was also October Fest-like event in the plaza. Singing Bands from nearby Gensan were performing nightly. 

L-R: Enzo, Bham, Me, & Gai

Whenever I'm with friends it was not tantamount to drinking. What do we do mostly?  Aside from the activities we attended, we talked about life; our plans, are we gonna be like a bummer forever? What's in store for us next year and is fate favorable to us in 2011? You know stuff like that I guess. We were also fond looking for cute guys...ewwwww so gay..ROFL. Walking and walking until we got tired and we'll ate super yumyum "balot". Mine was Balot Penoy because I'm scared looking at the baby chick inside when its just a plain Balot. On the culmination of the brgy. week Enzo & I together with our new found friends Bham-Bham, Gai-Gai, Jahmes and Enrique which they all came from HMCC had bonding. From Bham's house which we had our soup and dinner party we dropped by to see the comedy show and got bored. We went instead to the plaza to watch the band and suddenly Jahmes suggested that we'll gonna be drinking. We ended at 4am having to consume 1 case of Red Horse Grande. ."so sunog atay". While we were ending our bonding pareng Louie suddenly texted me saying I'm heading my way to Davao Int'l Airport. Then I remembered that 'twas Louie's last day in the country. I immediately called him & had not controlled my emotion but to cry while having our pictures taken (can't imagine my crying had been captured). So to cut the story short I went home at around six o'clock in the morning with  puffed eyes.

     I had slept at 8 and woke up at 3pm making an 7 hours sleep, not so bad. The following day I noticed that I can't sleep at the time where I'm supposed to be sleeping and it had become a pattern. I am asleep at day and so awake at night. Can you imagine how terrible the feeling of wanting to sleep but you can't? You can hear the ticking of the clock amidst the silence of the night. I hate the feeling that you are waiting for the Sun to come up to sleep. I ain't no fuckin call center agent or security guard at night shift who's coming home early in the morning to get rest and fall asleep. Ang pinakapangit na pakiramdam ay yung dilat na dilat yung mga mata ko habang nag-aagaw na si dilim at liwanag. My eyes felt so heavy and from now on I will call my eye bags an eye LUGGAGES. Oh Insomnia Oh Insomnia please go away like this one I had for him. I don't want you insomnia as much as I don't want him anymore. Insomnia and YOU are the shits that need to be filtered out.

Shouting Insomniac! Give me back my fuckin normal body clock ASAP!!!

Yuletide Season!

Merry Christmas readers!

just drop your gifts here for me

It's 21 days more to go before baby Jesus will celebrate his birthday. It is the season of love and giving. Wallets and pockets are filled with bonuses that had already been given away. I can see busy shoppers rushing about to buy their gifts for their God children and outfit they're going to wear during parties. Everybody is willing to spend this Christmas like  for foods, clothing, gadgets and all the luxuries in life.  A lot of Christmas parties will about to happen, from corporations down to schools; medical professionals of different fields of one area in an hospital down to organizations of different sectors in the society. Almost everyone is participating in merry making. Some are into rehearsals for their intermission number during their xmas party. I kinda missed the feeling of being in an xmas party. I missed the feeling of preparing for the occasion most especially the clothes I will wear...hehehehe I'm a bit fashion freak. Some well-off families are off for a vacation abroad. The entire month is busy for almost everyone. 

     Let us not forget the true meaning of Christmas. Beyond the bonuses we received, the parties we're attending and the other shits we do. Let us remember that it is the time of the year where we should share what we have and be able to give love for everyone even to those we hate. In addition, let us also reflect how we did for the rest of the year, thanking HIM for all the blessings he showered us this 2010.

     My celebration of this year's Christmas will be quite different from last year because I will be spending it as single. I will not be calling anyone extra special on Christmas day and New Year's Eve. A bit unusual for me because I was accustomed to the feeling of putting extra effort this time of the year. I love the feeling of being in love on Christmas because it creates some euphoric emotion. I am thinking if I will be able to manage celebrating this season happy, hmmm I think I can. It's just a matter of right perspective and attitude. I think I can pull it through. Rock on!

    I am not ready yet to fall in love again. Though it is nice to be in the circle of lovers on yuletide season and having someone who will give warmth in your cold December nights. Maybe next Christmas I can give myself a chance to love & be loved. For the mean time, I need to rest this sooo tired heart of mine. I will do the things again which made me happy and focus on other aspects of my life. I think it's about time that I will prioritize other things which had long been neglected. I am happy while still recuperating. Future seems to look brighter. I am loving, learning, and appreciating again how to be single. Indeed, the best things in life are FREE.

Always smile :-)

God Bless

your words against mine and my words against yours

Yours:  I AM NOT SPYING YOU. how dare you say that. and who are you to spy on? Getting garbage mouth on your post is just wrong. STOP CURSING.

Mine: Why react when it was not you whom I am referring to.  How come you knew my words? Oh I am right the spy /ies was/were the common friends. Let me clear your clouded mind, my index finger was not pointing at you, it was for him/her/them. My words and you are of the same kind. GARBAGE! Stop cursing? Think first before you speak. Have you forgotten you first did it?

Yours: BOY FRIEND and BOYFRIEND. all I can say is HAHAHAHAHAH!!! you both are hilarious.. I'm in no position to stand in the way of both of you.. you two can spend the rest of your lives together.. and the hell will I care?! I have no issue with you being close, as a matter of fact, I am happy that the two of you are close. hope you spend more time with him and even with my other friends. :)

Mine: You are way hilarious than me/us. If you really don't mind that your 'ex-best friend' as what you declared, close to me then why called your other best friend expressing how you had been distracted and depressed that your ex best friend is getting close to me? We were good friends since the day you introduced me. There is no problem with me if I will be close to your other friends too. I had been polite, nice, & respectful when I was with them. You were the one who said I should befriends with your friends. You better make sure of yourself. I can see inconsistency in you.

Yours:  MONSTER HOUSE OR NO MONSTER HOUSE. Calling my house stuff like that is wroonngg. it's just wrooonnggg. how dare you call my house like that, when it welcomed you without prejudice? So much for being hospitable, I suppose.. THANKS A LOT! 

Mine: Bravo! Bravo! Bravo to your spy/ies. They knew that thing? It was my description in one of my album on fb. They saw even the tiniest detail in  my account. Very keen eyes. Amazing! I know it was not right to call your house such because it also had become my home. The very reason why I called it that way 'twas because of you.  You were the monster in that house and the rest were beings with good hearts whom I considered angels. If there's a need for me to apologize then I will take this chance to extend my sincerest apology definitely not to you but to Tita Jenny, Sir Noel, Tita Marlyn, Kevs & Ervin, and to more than 20 dogs. I have learn to love your family. I will forever be grateful to them for welcoming me without judgement. Your Mom had become my mom too. She let me feel I am a part of her family and I will admit that I am missing her. I missed your mom and Te Marlyn. I missed the foods they're serving whenever I am around. It sadden me that I will no longer experience them :.( I am so sorry.


Yours: BLOCKED. Yes, I blocked you from my friends list because you deleted me from you friends list.. ahahhaha.. childish. but I think its better this way. (come to think of it, how will I spy on you, when I blocked you out?? think of it? ahahahahah..)



Mine: Oh yes oh yes I am not stupid not to understand the nature of blocking. What you did was way bitter than mine. Blocking was far more severe than deleting. PATHETIC!


Yours: BITTER. I'm not, and even if you don't believe me(of course you wouldn't believe me.. ikr?) IM NOT! so much for bitterness issues. they're just useless pieces of crap. I'd be better off happy and spending quality time with others.


Mine: You had long been bitter. It's no surprise that you actually are.  You can tell the whole world that you're not but they can still see through inside.


Yours: MOVING ON. You keep on blabbering about how you're so hurt and all the blah-blah-blah, why can't you just MOVE ON?! you have a life to live, you have friends, you have your family... so what's stopping you? MOVE ON, and start TODAY.


Mine: Shut up! You are in no position at all to tell me that. I have my own way of moving on. I was badly hurt by what you did bitch. You didn't give me what I deserved. You didn't give me dignity. You don't know the rule in going to relationship, do you? Opening a relationship at a formal & decent way deserved a formal  & decent closing too.  After all you would just treat me like this? Bullshit! ! ! ! ! If the question asked to Venus during Miss Universe will be asked to me, without a doubt I will answer YOU. I did not expect you were capable of doing such (you know what I mean). So childish. So conceited. So rubbish. Isa kang MAL-EDUKADO. "Hindi ganun kadali maka.move on kung nagmahal ka ng totoo". Perhaps it only took you days to move on because you were already planning to break up with me while we were still together. You were communicating with him while we were still together? I call that CHEATING. I was caught off  guard. How unfair of you. It will take me quite sometime to finally slap to your ugly face and tell the world that I have fully move on. I am willing to wait for that day to come when I can honestly say to myself that I am okay. I know it will come so soon. 


Yours: IRONIC. You say to your posts on blogspot that you love me so much and that you're too hurt to wake up everyday, well if that's the case, when then are you filling your facebook with gritty nonsense? even to the point of cursing me? isn't that too ironic? understand yourself, maybe then you'll know how to express yourself better.


Mine: People change and feelings fade. I started filling up my facebook with gritty sense when  I finally realized that there was no time for feeling sorry. I have no MERCY for you. God forgive me for saying this "you deserve to die". I detest and hated you. You better asked and understand yourself instead. I may not be so damn good in expressing myself but when I do I make it a point to be straight forward and with sincerity.


Yours: UGLY, ALIAS BOY-NEGRO. AHHAHAHAAHAHAHA!! calling me stuff eh?! oh well, your friends are free to speak their minds... the hell I care. Keep in mind, that not one of my friends spoke-ill of you. So you better tell your friends to NOT MESS WITH THEM. Just call me stuff. I wouldn't care.


Mine: Here we go again, if you really don't care then why talked about this? Mean to say it was an issue for you.  So what now if my friends called you negro? Ikaw na rin ang nagsabi  they are free to speak their minds. Your friends never spoke ill of me because they have  BREEDING which unfortunately you don't have. There's no problem between us, and my friends were not messing up with them. C'mon bitch don't let them fight. 


Yours:  LIVE. Too much bad-blood has been running through your veins... try to wash them out. Alcohol wouldn't help you, nor is smoking and drugs. But be with the company of those you love. Be happy. if you're not, then try to be.



Mine: There was too much bad blood running in my veins because of what you did. You poison me with your venom, snake. You made me sour. Thanks to your reliable source that you knew I had been drinking and smoking but no drugs involved. I am drinking not because I am broken hearted but to celebrate the beauty of life, merry making with my good-old friends was not bad after all. I am learning to be happy don't you worry. I know there's more to life than you.


Yours: PRAY. Prayers can be helpful too. Tell your "boy friend" that HE should pray too.


Mine: I have always been consistent in praying maybe my boy friend too. I pray that I will forget every piece of you because I don't want my mind to be rotten and get wasted. You should also pray. Pray that HE will forgive you for all your sins most especially to your parents. Using your "job hunting" alibi in going to where you are now was wrong. What motivated you to leave home was because of you being SLUT. 


                               "Pumunta para ika'y makilala
                                Nagkita ngayon sa MOA
                                At nagtapos sa kanyang kama
                                Di ba ngayon ay matatawag kanang poka-poka?"
        
                               "Unang kita pa lang isinuko mo na ang iyong bandera
                                Ka-level mo na tuloy si Maria Magdalena
                                Sa paningin ko'y isa kang katawa-tawa
                                Silang lahat ay napangiti at super tawa." :))


                               "Nagliwaliw sa Starcity hanggang Lucena
                                Nalibot na ang Trinoma at MOA
                                Kumain na sa lahat ng eskinita
                                Ikaw ngayo'y nagwawaldas ng pera
                                Hala ka! Hala Ka!
                                Maawa ka naman sa kanila."


Now among us who do you think needs more to pray?


Yours: LOVE AGAIN. As much pain may have been brought to the table last September, It wouldn't be wrong if you should try to love again... Let yourself be loved.. and let it be known.


Mine:  Love again? Do you think loving is as easy as counting 1,2,3?  I was hurt but that doesn't mean I will not love again. I am not like you who do not know what he's doing.  One important element in healing is TIME. I won't love someone just to cover up my pain because I don't wanna be unfair.  Let it be known? I'm not like you who's attention seeker. I am way better than that. You never learn sweetie? It's as if your inexperienced when it comes to love and relationships. "Love and Get Hurt, Get HURT and LEARN, Learn and Fall in Love Again".


Yours: HEAL. I am healing myself. PUSHING MY SELF. Getting myself involved with someone. Learning from my mistakes. And getting my feet back up. heyy, if I can do it, why can't you? We all need to heal...


Mine: We have different ways of moving on. I have nurtured the pain to make me strong. I am stronger than what you think. Do you think escaping from problem will solve the problem? You are one of a hell coward. Now this is what I call FUNNY.






We all have our freedom to express ourselves. You are accountable for you words and actions. Keep that in mind that freedom is inseparable with responsibility.

Second Monthsary: Self Redemption

Ahmmm, how am I suppose to start? I cant' think of any words to say.

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It may be polite of me to start greeting you. Hello readers! Thank you for spending time visiting my own little world, my blog.

Whew! Here I come writing, oh typing I mean for this post. I am gathering my thoughts as of now...................................

     It is true that time runs fast because as I looked back it was like yesterday that I had my first ever dramatic post entitled First Monthsary. And now it is time to make a sequel, the "Second Monthsary".

     Many things had happened after the break-up. I was spending much of my time loitering on malls neither with my Ate nor with my witches friends. Speaking of witches, as how we called our group, it was out of nowhere that we formed a group named "WITCHES", formally launched on  24th of October. The group consisted by yours truly; Zella, Z for short; Mila Fe, Mrs. Taylor of the group; Renz, Enzo as I call him & Louie, we call one another "pare". They are my High School friends. I really don't know the reason why of all the possible names witches had been choosen. It started on Facebook when Z invited us to go to their house because she wanted to share their Buko Salad with Cookies & Cream and the rest was history. In addition to things that I had been doing in the previous weeks, one important season of the year had passed, All Souls Day. I had this "panata" that I will spend a night on my father's grave, to be exact the night of "All Saints Day" until the dawn of "All Souls Day".

     

     I have been keeping myself busy with things from small to big ones. Engaging myself into business, from entering in networking to selling bags. Spending a big chunk of my time to friends; drinking, from bucket of San Mig Light to Tanduay Ice to The Bar; and  lil smoking but definitely no drugs. I realized then that there's more to life than HIM. Life is best spent with friends & family. "Buti pa ang mga kaibigan hindi ako binibigyan ng heartache" as I whispered to myself. Food trip + Laugh trip + Bum trip= SARAP NG BUHAY. 

     But of all these, there is still part of me that is broken. Why does my eyes still have tears for him? Are my friends and family not enough to heal the wound? After a day full of laughter why is it when I'm off to bed, tears begun to run through my eyes. I feel empty inside. Seeing my bed makes me sad because I know when I wake up I am alone. I could not fathom why I am still feeling this..it feels like there's hasn't change last month from now..still the same..I am emotional and fragile.

     But, I recognized that there's a desire coming from within to held my head up high, love myself more than ever and see my worth. There's willingness to pick up the broken pieces to make myself whole again. Enough of the dramas! If for him part of moving on was to used someone to replace me right away then be it. I won't be using people just for my sake. I WILL BE OKAY on the right time though it may take sometime but at least I know it will come and I am willing to wait. Yes, I have loved you more than I could possibly love myself BUT I have to stop. I am no God where his love is unconditional. I had celebrated my pain, cherished the hurt and dwelt on mourning and weeping in the valley of tears. I loved the wrong person and it was YOU. Enough is enough. Bring back to me the beauty you had taken me. I had completely lost myself in your maze and been manipulated by your lies. You were such a good actor, your acting was commendable. You let me believed that you loved me and I had been a fool. You had played the game perfectly and been trapped by your innocence and silly fantasies. You are no one but a piece of metal CRAP. ENOUGH!!!!!! 


      It's about time I have to REDEEM myself. I learned my lessons. Now I understand Shontelle's song Impossible, taking caution when it comes to love baby. I will spend this month onwards on self redemption. You are not worth it of my love. You don't deserve me.


Rage!

For How Long?!

     As I went back home to mend my broken heart, I noticed that it was every afternoon that rain starts to pour over Polomolok. It might be the reason why this place is rich and fertile. Heaven probably love this place as it continue to care and give life. As rain pours over our house and so do my tears. I envied Polomolok because she  has heaven who love and nurture her.

     It has been 6 weeks since I began to cry regularly (anytime of the day) and I thought reaching a month after break up, a person will most probably cease from crying. But in my case this wasn't true. It will perhaps take me sometime to not cry because of him. Last week, I'm not just so sure what day, I dreamed him again for the second time. The dream was about "what if I did not do this?", maybe we didn't end breaking up. People around  we're always telling me that I should use my head over heart however it seems that it's hard as enamel for me to do. I attended mass yesterday with my sister, and I caught myself smiling at the priest's sermon, quoted " love is blind, love is makabuang". He said when the heart loves, it loves. It doesn't have the power of reasoning. Where is the brain? It comes in when you have decided to use it & not to let your emotion over power you. It has the power of judgement and rationalization. I realized then that all he said were true but the love I had for him was so strong, strong enough to make me dumb and blind. I'm too weak I guess that I haven't done what's should be done, maybe I would have been okay by this time. 

     Up to this day, whenever I think of our good or even bad memories TWOGETHER it brought my tears down. How I wish the air can blow and take away the pain in my heart. Wish this pain is like water when it is heated it will just evaporate and be gone. For how long will I suffer? I'm tired. I know that SUFFERING is an option and HAPPINESS is a choice. How can I be happy? He was the only happiness I have/had. 

Oh God please help me!

so emotional :.(

love and peace!

vhaL :*)

Take Caution!

If there's one thing that can create havoc in your relationships, it's falling into hidden relationship traps.

And if you stay in those traps for a long period of time or just keep falling in them and you can't figure out why or how, your relationship can end up feeling empty and could even end.

The couples who don't fall into them have happier relationships than those who do.

These traps are sneaky and hidden because we don't see them coming before we fall right to them.

And then while we're in these traps, we often can't even see that we're in them, let alone find a way to get out.

Usually something happens to bring us out--but sometimes not.

Sometimes the issue never get resolved. We just get busy with something else and the issue is buried, only to come back up at a later time.

Now, of course, we all fall into these traps every now and then because we're just human ( and they can be different for every person).

But the happiest couples don't stay into there when they do and figure out ways to not fall in them very often.

For them, quickly getting out of these traps becomes a habit--or avoiding them together.

So what are these traps?

Here are 3 common sneaky, hidden relationship traps that we've certainly fallen into and we're guessing you and your partner have too.

1.The "Defending" Trap

Defending comes so natural and easy to so many of us when we think...

* we haven't been treated fairly

* we haven't been understood

* we're afraid we won't get our way

* we're not appreciated

* someone thinks differently that we think

* we think we're right & the other person is wrong

Defense rises inside us so quickly we don't even have time to recognize it before we've said or done something that pushes the other person further away.

That's why we call it sneaky & hidden.

Our defending seems to come from some place deep inside & we don't in any way feel in control of it.

If defending is a pattern for you and you want to stop it ( or at least slow it down), start recognizing what you do when you get hooked and then breathe.

It might mean that your stomach, jaw or neck tightens, you feel yourself want to fight or the opposite-- run away, and you may stop breathing.

Taking a deep breath will allow some spare for conscious action instead of unconscious action from habit.

2. The "Blame" Trap

How easy it is to blame the person, we blame ourselves-- and continue to blame ourselves.

The Blame Trap is sneaky because, again, we can fall into easily, automatically and without conscious thought.

We easily fall into because it's usually such an old pattern inside us that we don't even know we've fallen into it even after we have.

An example of the Blame Trap is when you find yourself saying "you never..." or "you always..."

Instead of "you never" or " you always", you might use an phrase like "I'm wondering if you'd be willing to talk about____?"-- even after you've caught yourself in the blame trap.

3. The "Taking Your Partner for Granted" Trap

This  trap is an easy one to fall into after you've been together for a while.

It is sneaky and hidden because many of us slide right into it without thinking.

It's easy to say things to your partner that you would never say to anyone else because the other person would be "hurt" and maybe take it wrong-- and your partner supposedly wouldn't.

Yeah, right!

Somehow there's a rationalization that after you've committed to one another, you can speak to each other any way you want or ignore what your partner does that's "right" in favor of pointing out what's wrong.

When you fall into this trap-- and it becomes a habit-- your connection, love and respect for one another starts to erode.

If you've seen yourself into this trap, make a conscious effort to turn it around and act in ways that build your relationship instead of tearing it down.

The point is to see where and how you fall into any of these traps, as well as when the situation shows up.

Then take a deep breath to stop you from automatically reacting in old ways.

Give yourself the space to make another, more empowering choice.

You can learn to avoid these hidden relationship traps. Good Luck!

Reposted from a friend who love me.
Thank you Marj <3
love and peace!
vhaL :*)