Third Monthsary: Three Fourths of One Whole

Hello there ;)

fill the missing fraction

     How are you?! I hope you had a good day. I just finished my beauty regimen and finally before dozing off I am making the LAST and FINAL installment of my dramatic post as an important part of my blog. This will be the concluding post under this topic. It has been 92 days since the tragedy happened making today my third monthsary. Three months had passed and the struggle continues and healing had never been easy for me. Talking and talking about the same old topic was becoming a pet peeve. This was consuming my energy and I felt like I was already eaten by the topic. But I have to bravely face this chapter of my life because this was the only way I knew where I can move on. The pain was unbearable; unbearable to be hidden and be ignored. So that's why I keep on blabbering about this and was the reason why I created the blog. I think dedicating the last quarter of 2010 for moving forward and savoring the sweetness of pain was more than enough. I am offering the remaining days of the year talking about him, my pain, and the ups and downs of mending. Each day, week and month that had passed the intensity of pain subside.

     The process of healing is not yet over though I can say I am better than previously but there's still BUT. I am picking the pieces of broken me. Everything I am going thru was tough, tougher than I thought. I am just human therefore bound to feel anger and bitterness. Yes I was and I am not ashamed of myself for feeling that. Everyone has their own lowest point and I can say that this was mine. I am on the stage where I see putting more importance on myself..Learning how to be physically and emotionally on my own again because admittedly I was so dependent to him. I do not believe on the saying "love is blind", actually it sees but it ignores. It didn't matter to me if I reached the point that he was my life. My world revolved around him and see no other but only us. It's as if we were the only existing creation in the world. I blame no one but me, not him and not any other things. Why came to this point? I told myself that "nandito na eh bakit di pa ibigay ng todo?" and "dumating na siya sa buhay ko so dapat ko lng siyang mahalin ng lubos", having said that, I felt stupid. This was not my first time to be hurt by a lover but it felt like it was. I had no idea what to do when we parted ways. The effect went in my body, physiologically. I had trauma and breakdown. Had several anxiety attacks & countless nights of crying but I finally came passed to that stage. 

     Right now I am about to leave the boulevard of sadness. I had courageously traversed the road and  relished the bittersweet of loving. I could not be more proud of myself for winning the test of life.For a fact, the battle  is not yet over. Why? Refer on the title. I will win the battle even the war if I'll be able to fill the missing fraction of the cake and that will be the only time where I can say I AM WHOLE AGAIN. 

    

 Meanwhile, I am joyful that I reached today, BETTER and STRONGER.