Second Monthsary: Self Redemption

Ahmmm, how am I suppose to start? I cant' think of any words to say.

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It may be polite of me to start greeting you. Hello readers! Thank you for spending time visiting my own little world, my blog.

Whew! Here I come writing, oh typing I mean for this post. I am gathering my thoughts as of now...................................

     It is true that time runs fast because as I looked back it was like yesterday that I had my first ever dramatic post entitled First Monthsary. And now it is time to make a sequel, the "Second Monthsary".

     Many things had happened after the break-up. I was spending much of my time loitering on malls neither with my Ate nor with my witches friends. Speaking of witches, as how we called our group, it was out of nowhere that we formed a group named "WITCHES", formally launched on  24th of October. The group consisted by yours truly; Zella, Z for short; Mila Fe, Mrs. Taylor of the group; Renz, Enzo as I call him & Louie, we call one another "pare". They are my High School friends. I really don't know the reason why of all the possible names witches had been choosen. It started on Facebook when Z invited us to go to their house because she wanted to share their Buko Salad with Cookies & Cream and the rest was history. In addition to things that I had been doing in the previous weeks, one important season of the year had passed, All Souls Day. I had this "panata" that I will spend a night on my father's grave, to be exact the night of "All Saints Day" until the dawn of "All Souls Day".

     

     I have been keeping myself busy with things from small to big ones. Engaging myself into business, from entering in networking to selling bags. Spending a big chunk of my time to friends; drinking, from bucket of San Mig Light to Tanduay Ice to The Bar; and  lil smoking but definitely no drugs. I realized then that there's more to life than HIM. Life is best spent with friends & family. "Buti pa ang mga kaibigan hindi ako binibigyan ng heartache" as I whispered to myself. Food trip + Laugh trip + Bum trip= SARAP NG BUHAY. 

     But of all these, there is still part of me that is broken. Why does my eyes still have tears for him? Are my friends and family not enough to heal the wound? After a day full of laughter why is it when I'm off to bed, tears begun to run through my eyes. I feel empty inside. Seeing my bed makes me sad because I know when I wake up I am alone. I could not fathom why I am still feeling this..it feels like there's hasn't change last month from now..still the same..I am emotional and fragile.

     But, I recognized that there's a desire coming from within to held my head up high, love myself more than ever and see my worth. There's willingness to pick up the broken pieces to make myself whole again. Enough of the dramas! If for him part of moving on was to used someone to replace me right away then be it. I won't be using people just for my sake. I WILL BE OKAY on the right time though it may take sometime but at least I know it will come and I am willing to wait. Yes, I have loved you more than I could possibly love myself BUT I have to stop. I am no God where his love is unconditional. I had celebrated my pain, cherished the hurt and dwelt on mourning and weeping in the valley of tears. I loved the wrong person and it was YOU. Enough is enough. Bring back to me the beauty you had taken me. I had completely lost myself in your maze and been manipulated by your lies. You were such a good actor, your acting was commendable. You let me believed that you loved me and I had been a fool. You had played the game perfectly and been trapped by your innocence and silly fantasies. You are no one but a piece of metal CRAP. ENOUGH!!!!!! 


      It's about time I have to REDEEM myself. I learned my lessons. Now I understand Shontelle's song Impossible, taking caution when it comes to love baby. I will spend this month onwards on self redemption. You are not worth it of my love. You don't deserve me.


Rage!